I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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