she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She bit a glass in half.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
