At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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