So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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