dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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