david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
