Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize