WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
