I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
