You're my little dorito
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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