she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
