it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
