You don't have asthma, your pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
