Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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