my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
