Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize