Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
