My liver just broke up with me...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
