so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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