do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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