doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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