First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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