onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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