i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
