I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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