Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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