I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
