I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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