3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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