Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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