Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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