Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
