Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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