She is in my trunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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