Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sext me about skeletons
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
