She is in my trunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize