It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
