Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
