.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
