I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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