Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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