Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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