it wasn't lemon gatorade
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
