I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
