you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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