you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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