but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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