when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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