I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
