Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
