so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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