Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
