apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
