Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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