you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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