What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
