I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
