I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've blown a few things in my day
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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