just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
