you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
