please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
