its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
