So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
