is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize