hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
