I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
