come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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