i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
