Actions speak louder than pants.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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