if only i could text you this smell
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
