Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
