u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
