Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
