Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
