i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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