i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
