apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
