Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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