I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
