talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
