I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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