everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
