I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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