She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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