I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
