Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
