i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize